Tuesday, April 23, 2013


怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了 是你變了 是你變了

Twistin' at 4:12 PM
Tuesday, April 09, 2013



So while doing my usual fb self stalk, i was checking out my own profile when i found a couple of unposted notes. Read this one in particular and i also realised why i didnt post it. too many names and direct references so i guess i'll share this here in case FB dies someday.

Drafter 070711(unedited and also incomplete)
7 July is a pretty significant day for me. Other than the fact that its my mother's birthday(happy birthday mummy btw) it is also the day i finally ORD. Although i was already quite certain i was not intending to become a regular for the next 6 years ,I decided to extend my service anyway and my friends all said i was crazy. To have spent close to 17 months in total as a trainee and not sign on is even crazier. But as life would have it, i am where i am today and i have completed 2 1/2 years of national service.

Even though i have practically been ripped on my whole life by those SOABs back in school, i was still pretty confident of myself in just about everything which explains my dominant personality even in the face of those insults/criticism people railed at me, believing more often than not my way was the right way. Always eager to prove myself, i guess I was the typical wayang kia in BMT. Always volunteering to lead songs, always volunteering to be IC and be the one pushing my mates on during endurance runs , always wanting to take charge but ironically I envisioned myself to be a specialist rather than an officer and i still remember placing SISPEC to be of higher preference during my EI. Compare that time to the time i decided to extend my service as an officer, it represented a HUGE change in mindset and the OCS experience most certainly played a major role. At the end of it all these, i am confident that I have become a much better person.

I decided to extend my service because i felt that with only 4 months spent back then in KTSC, there was so much more i could offer as an officer. When the opportunity came along for me to become an instructor along with the opportunity to play a role however small in nurturing future leaders of the SAF, it was literally a dream come true. Even back in Logisitcs i wanted desperately to become an instructor. At the end of 8 months of being an instructor, i can safely say i have no regrets in making that decision back then.

My NS experience has been truly enriching and i have seen myself grown so much, physically and mentally. Lows include the time i came that close to giving up during OCS if not for the support of 2 friends that night Hsuan Te and Edmund and how i was initially disappointed that i was posted to Logistics because i was deemed too cui(but i am now confident that it was not the case). Highs include commissioning as the SOH, being contingent commander for my commissioning parade, completing FAOCC as top trainee and completing my SOC with a timing of 7:50.

But those are mere individual accolades and it was the interaction with my men, my trainees even my colleagues that really epitomized personal growth. Managing men at KTSC was always challenging and I will always remember how I directly caused one of my men to go AWOL because i wanted to charge him. How my mental models at times caused me to make flawed judgments and how i used to lack apathy until i came to learn about my men and grew to understand them, subsequently attempting to manage them better. Managing trainees proved to be a greater challenge with the active need to exhibit professionalism in the conduct of training while examplifying the other core values. Tall order for a couple of dudes whose only experience is completing the course one cycle before the trainees did.

Going back though, my short tenure at KTSC can be attributed to a couple of talks with the Hd Manpower and soon after i found myself at FAOCC, a decision that was on hindsight rushed and perhaps not entirely thought through. Nonetheless i found myself on course again and that was really the first time i really worked and lived with people from poly elitist at it may sound. Truth be told, my colleagues and I do not share too many similar mental models hence the need for LO when we eventually came together as a team to lead the course in their training. Looking back, i guessed we did pretty well. Having said this, there were so much more that could have been improved in but i am no position to judge my own team so i shall leave it as it is. I personally regret that i was very detached from the rest of my batchmates in the office and there was a time when i honestly struggled to even find my motivation at work but i guess all of these shaped me to become more resiliant. My time in the SAF has also seen me make many bad decisions and see the worse of people, namely backstabbing, poor work ethics amongst others. I have however also seen the best of people, with their demonstration of servant leadership as well as overwhelming conviction in performing their jobs. I grew to view them with tremendous respect and there was a time this directly fueled that insatiable desire to serve and inspire my men in a similar way they could. I am glad also that i've had good superiors that i could work with.

It is the commonly quoted cliche that national service doesnt involve just the people going through it but their family and friends and their support is vital in making this experience more wholesome. My family and especially my mother is the perfect example of showing SUPERB family support. From the weeks of booking out from tekong where i had the luxury of choosing from 2 cars to sit in for the journey home from pasir ris(my mother's or my aunt's and sometimes it's jem) to how there will always be a family dinner(based on what i feel like eating of course) on Sunday night before i book in all the way till the day of commissioning where they were all there to witness that special day. Being the only boy in the family meant they were always going to be worried for me each time i booked in however much i tried to reassure them that training was very manageable unlike my dad's time. In many ways I consider myself to have led a very sheltered life with army being my first real true test in life. I also hope that the completion of NS will make them feel more at ease when i go to the UK for my studies because once you survive army you can survive anything(except maybe terrorist attacks because nothing can prepare you for that). But nevertheless i am very glad for the strong family support even though it seems that i may not appreciate it at times.

BMT short as it may be was enough time for me to see who were true friends and who treated me as a mere friend of convenience. Experienced first hand true backstabbing and its disappointing. But there was one person who continues to be one person i can always trust. Kang Junwei Benjamin, bitchy and slutty as you are, however snide your remarks can be at times, you are an awesome pal to have and be around. Said this before but i was really glad i had you in BMT. You are one of my most important friends and i really hope we can remain in contact always.

I have and will always be proud to be from Delta Wing where i met truely inspirational commanders and truely amazing people. Calvin Han, Chun Han, Hsuan Te, Chin Hao, Edmund, Ong Heng Yang, Wan Melvin, Tang Weiguo, Hwe Leong, Ben Neo are just one of the many friends that went through Delta together with me and even today when we reminisce about the tough times, there was always that silver lining in the form of strong camaraderie that kept us all going.

Logisitcs for pro-term was a few notches down in terms of physical toughness for training and up a few in the mental aspect. It was also the period where i had the time of my life with crazy people like zhang and matt neutralised by others like bennett and melvin.

At KTSC, it was great serving with the regulars. RQ, Mdm Ho, Ms Chew, MSG Paul, Jinyang are probably the nicest people you can ever work with and it was a pity my time there was short but even after i made the move to AI, i am grateful for all the help they rendered. Of course there was also the squirm(dont really i didnt forget you) thanks for all the wacky moments!

07s42 continues to be a major part of my life and while the numbers attending outings have dwindled the core remains and its enough for me. SH HQ XH SK jerms

Twistin' at 10:17 AM