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Time flies and it has been almost 4 months to the date of my last post. Many things have happened, good and bad, family and friends.It would be foolish to say it has been a bright start to the year. Besides my academics where i achieved an A on my only test and coursework thus far, nothing has gone that well. I have never been one who likes to sugar-coat and tact is perhaps one thing i severely lack but such is the reality of things before me, i cant help but feel jaded at times.i almost broke up with Fiona after many arguments surrounding the same issue and even though it seems to have simmered, our rs has never quite recovered and I'm not afraid to admit it. The onus is on me to steady this rs because at the end of the day, despite everything that has been said, i really think shes the one. But its never easy to date someone who is older and working, none of my friends are in that situation and its tough matching expectations especially if you are already on an uneven playing field. How do i make up for my lack of financial stability now? Jiawei was the closest example but his rs failed and I'm really afraid it happens to me too.I was hit hard yesterday by a comment that i lacked discipline and it was implicitly implied that i had no ambition. I have never questioned my motivation in achieving my goals and god has been nice to me all my life in a sense that just about everything i have embarked on has brought about success. As an overseas scholarship recipient, i basically have a secured job and my primary role is just to ensure I get my first class and its the case for any scholar you ask. I came to London with the goal of getting a first class as well as to travel the whole of Europe and whatever lingering desire of picking up IB just faded away. I hate it when my mum and fiona say why there is a need to travel. It doesnt matter that most of my allowance go into that and im practically spending the bare minimum in London but it honestly ticks me when they presumptuously say that entails not studying along with a misalignment of my priorities. I have never been a outright mugger. Sure i study a hell lot when i need to but when it comes to enjoyment, i dont see why i should deny myself that. At the end of the day if i achieve the results, no one can fault me. At least thats how i saw it. Being in a rs now means views are often laid down for discussion and as much as i enjoy doing it, there are times when we dont see eye to eye. Deep down, im frustrated that many of the proposed trips with my friends have been turned down because i do not want to be 'just having fun'. But in a rs you sacrifice things and come to a compromise, something that is not easy for someone who has had his way all his life but i'm getting better at that or so i hope.It was correctly pointed out i should attempt to start off on a better foot compared to my fellow scholars and pick up a useful technical skill such as IB. Sure i have the interest, but its definitely not a priority to me, not before this morning at least. After some thought over the day, perhaps its time to reevaluate all these and start making better use of my free time. Having said that though, I definitely do not want to give up traveling and I still hope to make my pre summer trip with JW and the others.Never thought a rs would be so challenging, let alone a LDR but this makes it all the more worth holding on to and I'm determined to make it work.At least my friends aint doing that bad. Im very happy for Ara who is happily attached now following what is best described as a very fucked up second half of the year.I feel bad that since ive been here, ive not been as close as i have been previously and it sucks that i cant be that first one by his side listening to his probs when it happens. Nevertheless im glad we still talk regularly enough and im looking forward to seeing him in June. Very happy for you bro.Its 3am and its time to stop reflecting and get some rest. VinE night is next saturday so its gonna be a long week ahead...