Saturday, April 17, 2010


Week 1 as an officer-on-course ended today at 1600hrs when i stepped outside Khatib Camp. Culture shock? Definitely so considering how I never expected artillery to be this way and even especially since the last time i booked out at 4pm on a saturday was waaaay back during the awesome delta days almost a year ago.

Its tough being an officer-on-course. I remember telling everyone about the master plan to sign and how the actual conversion never once was the focus. I am glad now that i am going for it now instead of 4 years later although I never did have a choice in this in any case but life goes on.

To have your coursemates addressing you as Sir seems right yet I feel weird when they do so but when they call me by my name instead, it would come as a little surprise to me too. Ironic. What kind of attitude am I to show in the course I am still uncertain. I definitely am not being my usual crappy, lame self. Expectations just seem to overwrite what I am naturally am like. Resisting the temptation to shut my eyes during breaks and even in bunk during office hours, desperately copying down everything that is shown. Every action is scrutinised by the cadets and its a struggle for me to potray myself as an ideal officer who upholds the officer's creed and values. How to be a mentor as well as to put in as much if not more effort than them. Life's tough

Sadly, I think i put waaay to much pressure on myself as correctly pointed out by xinhui. It does my confidence no good however that I failed to get my IPPT gold. The fact I missed out by 1 sec and 1 cm doesnt matter because a failure is a failure. I am disappointed with myself but this gives a huge wake up call to my overconfidence and I now see that empty space on my uniform as my ulitimate motivation to get is back. SOC is next week and I am also uncertain about getting the passing timing of >9mins having last ran SOC in July.

My only consolation is that I am still adapting. Oh well I've been through tougher things before. Or maybe I havent? Nonethless I will keep fighting on. 18 more weeks and i will be through!

Twistin' at 10:38 AM
Thursday, April 08, 2010


life never cease to amaze me with the bad streak I have had the past 2 weeks.

the whole Suriya BS + left 11B in camp + dad fetch me to wrong camp + hp no batt the day i needed it the most + armskote open on day i am DO + no replies from any uni+ no replies from any scholarship boards+arsenal being raped(not that i can affect it but it affects me)+ miss FTT+ freaking persisitant block nose and the latest to add to wayne's bad luck pool is that i am now officially ineligibe for SMS because I am not a combatant. All these happened the last 10 days. Thanks so much for informing me today on Thursday that I am due to go for FAOCC on Monday. SO that gives me 1 working day to handover whatever I have done to JY. And it gives me 1 weekend to resupply all my essentials for the 5 months course. Yep it could have been worse. It could have been told to me on Monday and I report for course the same day. Now I dont even have time to even do a proper handover of my current job and it comes at a time when I am finally given the help i need to start clearing the shit spilled over from Hansel's time. Ironic. I finally do something useful in this place and I dont get to finish it.

So going for FAOCC now means I need to get reaccessed on my suitability for the award and if i fail to get it, I am looking at a rather bleak outcome of staying in NUS FASS(not that its bad but it isnt what i want) I have no idea why I not heard anything from SMU when others have when pardon my ego, my results more than make the cut for their criteria. I am even more clueless of why I am made to waste 4 hours of my time at psychometric test when I am not eligible for the scholarship although it was not wasted in the end cause i met gan jia hao for the first time in 7 months. I am even more exceptionally lost about this streak i am currently going through. OCS taught me fighting spirit but this is ridiculous. Cant god split the bad luck on a fortnightly basis or something? It at least gives me something to smile about for a week before it turns to frowns the other. I am frustrated. Nothing is going right. Even driving is failing me. I am so hopeless at it I am surprised my teacher has not thrown his temper yet. The FTT fiasco just about summed up my luck the past 2 weeks.

*inserts whole range of obscenities from english to chinese to hokkien and tamil*

well but i remember at least it wasnt all bad. I got to meet a couple of LOCC mates yesterday as well as WG and Lulu last weekend.Ben kang finally initiated a gathering which succeeded although i ended up calling the people. Friends cheer me up and thank god for them. If everything is planned as what was told to me, you are looking at a wayne with limited freedom for the next 5 months so goodbye social life in advance

Twistin' at 7:38 AM
Thursday, April 01, 2010


Bad luck, bad decisions that hurt and affect me so much the past week that the only positive for this week is that arsenal didnt get raped in the end.fml and tgif(tomorrow)

Twistin' at 6:13 AM