Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Today i met my cousin's ex boyfriend on the bus. It was a little bit surprising and i though for a moment when i saw him we might have just turned away not realizing we knew each other but it turns out i am pretty recgonisable for the way i look and i, tend not to forget people. Anyway point was we had a short but decent conversation about uni and all. Hes in his first year at NTU, on a scholarship and all, it seems he knows what hes doing. I am never in a position to comment but in my opinion he is a totally changed person from the person my cousin broke up with. The power of love? The power of a desire to prove another wrong? My version of the story of their break up is a blur so i cant say for sure but in any case it was good to seeyou today dragon.

Past few nights were spent in camp. Left me just about enough time with BSB on my ipod to get myself geared up for this sunday and also to think about life as i always do. Book in was always going to be a sucky feeling but the past sunday, i booked in more than that being a little bit confused with perhaps a tinge of emoness. But I am glad for friends who are there to talk to me. I am tired and sick of it but some things are just there to stay. And it really sucks.

Had a short msn via OA with nicholas aw today. For people from LOCC, you put these 2 names together and everyone will remember the day we almost fought. Those were really the days. But things have really changed since then, i saw past his flaws, he saw past mine and if we see each other on the streets now i think it wouldnt be that weird. He is going to sign on that dotted line before me albeit without a scholarship or an LSA at best based on what he tells me but it is what he wants and i guess that is what matters.

So what do i really want? Had a short but very mighty indoctrinating sharing by CSPO yesterday at arti aniversary dinner($64 that feels like a $6.40 based on what we ate but i reserve my comments to myself) It turns out i am where i am because of 1 line i said to my EX CO which was 'Sir i am actually a little bit interested in signing on, probably in artillery' and i find myself at a supposed redundant position to know the formation better. I am a little bit surprised but nonetheless glad at the opportunity provided.It makes me want to grasp this opportunity even more. It is true when they say in SAF, they really go all out to attract people to signing on. I dont deny that after that little conversation, i started to get a little bit excited about signing on again. That of course contradicts what i said a few posts back hence the sentence at the start of this para.Meanwhile though, the streetlamps on path B to sime darby remains lit as of now and after tomorrow perhaps things will be become clearer.

I found this song on my cousin's computer recently and remembered the days when it was my favorite song. Somehow i can relate or maybe i am just emo. But screw all that because BSB are coming this sunday and they ROCK(still)

Twistin' at 5:25 AM
Sunday, February 14, 2010


HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Chinese New Year is the time of the year i love and will always look forward to. I get to wear my new clothes(finally), meet the relatives i see once a year and of course theres always the $$.

Rather unfortunately though, i am actually growing older each year, and it seems ang pows and age share an inversely proportional relationship much to my horror. And so does the supposed valuable family quality time spent. But then again 4 hours in my grandpa's house with only my sister anywhere close to my age is boring so i have reason to complain. When I was younger, i remembered making fun out of anything the most memorable one being piggy-backing my then 2 year old cousin and smashing him head first into the cupboard.I recall feeling immensely guilty after that but as i was only in p4, that guilt lasted for 1/2 hr. And even if all that failed, i would always have my trusty pokemon yellow to keep me entertained. Times change though. In a modern technology driven singapore, I regrettably am one without a smartphone which provides the ultimate distraction to awkward and boring situations. As i see my friends including my ex CO twice my age who boast about their tweeder and facebook on their phones, i cant help but reflect whether i am slowly being sucked into obscurity and becoming irrelevant.

But of course i am lying. How can i become irrelevant when i am watching my first season of american idol in season 9. ironic? a little perhaps but nonetheless better late than never. Watching the hollywood stages, i witnessed how many got their dreams shattered. How a country girl left her town for the very first time to go to hollywood and come back disappointed. How some leave their jobs to make that dream come true, to only find out they werent good enough. I used to think i suffered pretty disappointing moments in life in my short 20 years but truth is, more often than not i have not had the feeling of really losing something that i really wanted Rather i would only lose something i prefered more which makes the overall disappointment not too bad in retrospect. This could mean that its a sign i have not found much direction in my life yet.

For all that fuss of signing on the past months, the recent weeks have opened new doors for me. Listening to the stories of the NS men on what the outside world brings and all and how they were all so glad not to have signed on. That fire at the start is slowly but surely diminishing but then again you cant blame me when i am on lull in a non active/support unit now. Truth is i cant lie to myself that every posting will be a bed of roses but really this wasnt really the posting that will tell me YES ARMY IS FOR ME. Because of all these, I really want to go for ex pinnacle. I am praying to all gods(with no offence to either) that head log will allow me to do so. It might re-ignite what has been lost the past weeks.

But if theres one thing i know, i am never sure of what i really want and unfortunately its a trait that might stay for a while. The last lunar calender ended sour for me but hopefully the year of tiger brings about the luck and prosperity i so need with everything. So i shall just go with the flow and see where it brings me to.

Happy CNY once again friends!

Twistin' at 6:20 AM