I had a conversation w HL a couple of days ago and how if we really wanted to have an outlet to rant, it should be on a private page. Personally though i dont even think i would write about my deepest darkest fears on any page. This coupled w the fact that the blog is probably fading away into obscurity w each passing day bar the few loyal readers who come here every few weeks so what the heck.

Its been little over a month since i arrived in London and everything seemed to be working out fine. Having an awesome friend as my roomie, very flexible school hours, a number of my good friends are here in london,i find time to skype the girlfriend and mother at least once in 3 days, im going traveling during the holidays, everything seems perfect, at least on the surface. Im not going to be extreme and say my time here has been an entire disaster but it definitely isnt as smooth-sailing as i intended it to be.

I have never considered myself to be someone who would miss home and i could always imagine myself striving it out overseas back when i was a little younger seeing how my dad did it. I spent most of my time in school and in camp previously with whatever remaining time mostly spent with friends, i was often chided by my mum for being able to live with just friends. For a large part of my life i thought so, then army came and kinda skewed my perspectives a little and now that i find myslef living independently, i would be lying if i said i didnt miss home, my family, my girlfriend, the very good home-cooked food and not having to walk quickly late at night for fear of being robbed or killed although the latter seems improbable anyway.

On nights like this when i have nothing to do, nobody to talk to, i think of Fiona who i miss dearly, i think of home, i think of family, i think about how my friends back home are doing. I get irritated when i facetime my family and no one is responding, i get very pissed off when i try to skype Fiona and she oversleeps making me wake up early for nothing and i cant help but feel disappointed when i didnt get to oovoo with the s42 peeps last week. So when we argued that night, Fiona was right to point out behind the BS about accountability and principles, the main reason why i got so ticked was because i didnt get to skype her that day and she probably was right.

Call it my male pride and what have you but i never quite liked showing my vulnerable side to others not even my family. I think to date the only friend that has seen me cry is Javier but i digress. Things aint that bad that i sob myself to sleep every night along with those other emo shit, dont get me wrong. It just hasnt been as easy as i thought it would be. Its something i cant express to both my mum and fiona because it would make them more worried than they already are.

Socializing was something everyone was talking about prior to my departure and how life was going to be so happening. I find it funny that in the 1 month ive been here, ive only visited a club once and drank hard liquor once. I find myself hanging out w other Singaporeans more often than w the locals or other international students but i guess its the same for many of the other singaporeans.

But at the end of the day, im still positively excited about school and on most days i have enough fun w my friends but i hate these moments of peace and serenity when i start thinking of everyone back home. This is something i need to start getting used to and i should also start attempting to cook because im not sure how much longer can i keep up w eating out for lunch everyday. Oh well back to other mindless activities like re-watching HIMYM and to those reading this back home, i really hope you guys are doing well!