Saturday, January 29, 2011


It has been awhile. The past few weeks have been entirely filled with 21st parties, already attended 5 and we are still only in January =O Been meeting up with old friends at these parties and its always nice to catch up with them.

Cant say the same about the people at the office. Arrogant toehags with absolutely nothing to show for what they say while acting like some girl saying things and not wanting to elaborate. Fuck you ronald seriously. I had enough of your bullshit already. Your whole i am the best, most handsome, most talented might seem funny for awhile but when you become too self-indulged in it and really begin to actually think its true its really time to wake up from your bloody dreamworld. You can question what i do its fine, you claim i am not well liked its fine because at the end of the day my job is not to become the most well liked instructor or colleague because i produce the results and my cadets do not need to slog till 1am cause of the inefficiencies of your side. You think i really care about what you think? Its takes more than 1 sorry SOAB like yourself to say hurtful things to really affect me. You can continue licking the asses of the cadets and being the loser mother hen you are for all i care. I can live with myself for the things i do and for what i practice. Dont pretend you know more and think you have the right to criticise me the way you do. When i first commissioned you were still kissing the floor as the loser recruit you still are today. I am open to feedback and i always look to improve myself but only from people i think whose words have weight which is definitely not you, not by a long shot. Heres a tip, when you want to give feedback do it in a open setting and not say things out of angst and dont bother explaining claiming i am too sensitive cause really if theres one thing i hate in the world, tis pussies like you who dont dare to say things upfront. i can safely say the poor relationships in the office as a whole can be totally attributed to people like you. I feel sorry for you that you are too stupid to get into a local uni, to be 'the most handsome' and still have an ugly girlfriend, to be dam fit and have a beer belly bigger than mount everest.Loser...

Twistin' at 11:21 PM
Friday, January 07, 2011


2011 didnt start off as well as i would have wanted it to be. Quarreling with my mum on New Year's Day was retarded yet amusing at the same time due to the nature of it but what the heck, some things never will change.

This week will probably be the lowest i have ever felt in camp. Indirectly causing 2 cadets to lose their way and hence eliminating any possibility of them attaining the timing required for their CSB 32km however little their chance was already to begin with left me feeling very guilty and sorry for myself. In retrospect, there was so much more i could have done. I could have doubled back to their position instead of choosing to wait at the junction after the supposed straight road. I could have briefed fabian clearly of the route before rushing off to tend to those in the middle. It didnt matter that their timings were already hovering at the borderline and they were definitely not going to pass. Fact remains it was deeply unprofessional that they were allowed to holan. To receive a call from boss to tell me what to do, something that he has never done before did my confidence and my already immense guilt no good. To further compound the misery i forgot about a meeting and went home, becoming the only one absent.

Yesterday was not much better. At the end of 10 weeks, as opposed to the affirmation from the higher-ups that the team is doing a good job to motivate us for the next phase, what we got was a snide remark that suggests WE CAUSED A LACK OF INTEREST AMONGST THE CADETS IN CONTINUING IN FA FOR SPECIALISATION. I cant blame my guys for feeling demoralised, i cant blame them for feeling aggrieved with a deep sense of injustice cause even i cant see how i can go on knowing how little faith your boss have in the team.

I see the cracks within the team too. I found out to my horror how mch resentment there is to certain people within the team. I wont be surprised if i too were the victim subjected to the bitching if i were not there. Intructorship wasnt supposed to be this tough. It takes alot for me to concede that something might actually beyond me but as it is, the damage is irreparable, to me at least.

Oh well, may the subsequent weeks be better.

Twistin' at 6:19 AM