Saturday, April 17, 2010


Week 1 as an officer-on-course ended today at 1600hrs when i stepped outside Khatib Camp. Culture shock? Definitely so considering how I never expected artillery to be this way and even especially since the last time i booked out at 4pm on a saturday was waaaay back during the awesome delta days almost a year ago.

Its tough being an officer-on-course. I remember telling everyone about the master plan to sign and how the actual conversion never once was the focus. I am glad now that i am going for it now instead of 4 years later although I never did have a choice in this in any case but life goes on.

To have your coursemates addressing you as Sir seems right yet I feel weird when they do so but when they call me by my name instead, it would come as a little surprise to me too. Ironic. What kind of attitude am I to show in the course I am still uncertain. I definitely am not being my usual crappy, lame self. Expectations just seem to overwrite what I am naturally am like. Resisting the temptation to shut my eyes during breaks and even in bunk during office hours, desperately copying down everything that is shown. Every action is scrutinised by the cadets and its a struggle for me to potray myself as an ideal officer who upholds the officer's creed and values. How to be a mentor as well as to put in as much if not more effort than them. Life's tough

Sadly, I think i put waaay to much pressure on myself as correctly pointed out by xinhui. It does my confidence no good however that I failed to get my IPPT gold. The fact I missed out by 1 sec and 1 cm doesnt matter because a failure is a failure. I am disappointed with myself but this gives a huge wake up call to my overconfidence and I now see that empty space on my uniform as my ulitimate motivation to get is back. SOC is next week and I am also uncertain about getting the passing timing of >9mins having last ran SOC in July.

My only consolation is that I am still adapting. Oh well I've been through tougher things before. Or maybe I havent? Nonethless I will keep fighting on. 18 more weeks and i will be through!

Twistin' at 10:38 AM