Thursday, July 09, 2009

nostalgia?

Headed down to SJI followed by VJ today, both were impromptu decisions. It was heartwarming to meet all the teachers who still remember you despite having taught you 7 years ago. The toilets finally got an upgrade, the need for lockers was finally seen by the school administration but other then these, everything remained the same. Still the same old SJI i left 3 years ago. The sec 1 kids reminded me so much of myself back then. The dark stairway at the old sec 1 block still do not have lights. The 'typical' sji trait is still pretty prevalent, the cheekiness and all. Even the cai fan uncle could remember us and he even gave us a discount. Of course the focus should not be on the discount. yanglaoshi mentioned something to us which i felt was very very true. Each batch, sji students will always come back to visit and when they are asked if there is that one thing they can take away from the 4 years in SJI, what would it be and somehow there can never be an answer. It is perhaps one of the intangibles or maybe the entire experience was a takeaway on its own. Whatever the case, it felt really awesome to walk past almost every teacher who you seem to know and vice versa.

At Vj, it was an entirely different story. For one, there was nothing to remind me of the life and fun i grew accustomed to in VJ. I then found out it was CTs. Collected my leaving cert, attempted to look for cook only to find out hes not in school already but i am used to disappointment so i guess another trip down is gonna come soon. But unlike in SJI, i walked past teachers, many of which i cant even recall their names and i definitely dont expect them to know me. It was great to have seen Mr Lum, the only teacher i met who taught and knows me but the first thing he said was oh i heard about you interview and alas, that made the resentment grow again but nevertheless i was glad for his concerns as he asked me about my plans and all. Despite the bad start when he first came in, at the end of A levels i think hes probably the best teacher we had in terms of teaching and also giving of advice.

At the end of 2 short trips, it made me realise that my prominence in VJ was nowhere near the level of that in SJI. In SJI, being a PSF and a UG leader practically made you a god. Most people will know you including the sec 1 kids and even teachers who have not taught you before would somehow know you. In VJ, all i have to be proud of is being a member of the Students' Council which if translated to a RJ context, is just another councilor which is not THAT impressive. I regret not trying to pick up another CCA thinking back. To be honest, not getting an invite back to college day was painful for me. Evidently i was under the false impression that contribution as an EXCO member was significant especially for council. I cant help but feel a tinge of jealousy when every VJ person in Delta wing is going back except for me and that is not a very comforting thought. Ok actually almost all but still! I might sound like i am very eager to stand out.This might be true, as being an extremely competitive individual since young, the prospect of trailing behind my peers is a position i never want to put myself into. But then again in SJI there was 1 Agung, in VJ, there are at least 50 of them so i guess this could be a reason why. At the end of the day further highlighted by the events of today, i do not feel i have made much of an impact in VJ or accomplished anything much. Yeah i made it to Mr Ho's scholarsheep group thing but so did another 100. And you wonder why i show no interest in going back for the homecoming dinner. But dont get me wrong i think i have said this before the experience was still awesome and the friends are wonderful but on an individual level, it wasnt that desirable. Just some thoughts i had on the way home...

oh yeah and just cause ara left a tag, heres a shoutout to all that his place is pretty awesome and the coziness more than makes up for the slightly ancient look to the place. =)

Twistin' at 5:11 AM